Twin Flames, Two Souls Journey Through Time – The Professor - Chapter 9

                  Amelia was shocked at the response her book got.  She was glad that she had used a nom de plume as much as she was proud of what she accomplished, it felt weird having people know it was her who had written this book.  It had true stories, the things she had dealt with, oh of course she changed some details, but people would still know exactly who each character was if they looked hard enough.  Plus, she didn’t relish the idea of people knowing what dirty little thoughts rolled around in her brain, not her friends, not her family, and certainly least of all Daniel.  She would be mortified if he found out, as would he, and if the dean of his department found out about the book, that could lead to questions he would need to answer.  She had thought of telling him, so he wouldn’t be blindsided, but she chickened out.  She had reached out to him on a social media platform, and she would send him a math meme from time to time, but they had not had any meaningful contact for over five years.  She felt incredibly awkward at the mere idea of telling him, how would she even broach the subject?  “Hey, I know I haven’t spoken to you in over five years, but I wrote a book about you, and oh by the way used your exact likeness and real events that happened.”  She knew that would go over about as well as a bull in a China shop.  Romance novels did not seem like Daniels chosen genre of books, the thought of him reading one actually made her smile.  Amelia thought men should read romance novels, maybe they would get their heads out of their asses if they did, but the idea of Daniel reading one was incomprehensible to her.  Amelia had changed names, used a pen name, and had not told anyone about it.  Lucy knew, but Amelia didn’t even want Lucy to read the book, and Amelia told her that she probably wouldn’t want to read the book.  No one wants to think of their sibling’s sex life, it’s weird and gross.  Amelia thought back to all the times her German mother would speak about sex, and how much it repulsed her.  The time when Amelia was about twelve and they were out to dinner with friends and her mom asked all the people at the table who there liked sex, and when Amelia looked on horrified at her, her mother’s response was, “what do you think it’s all just dishes and laundry?”  To which Amelia responded, “YES, thanks for ruining that image for me mom.”  When Amelia was in her late thirties her mother even tried to discuss her father’s sexual issues with her, and Amelia shut that conversation down quickly.  Her mom thought that since they were both women, she could discuss it with her, and Amelia asked if she would like to hear about Edgar’s sex life, or Benjamin’s, and she said, “God no,” “yeah well mom, it’s about a million times worse when it’s your mom and dad.”  That was a no fly zone as far as Amelia was concerned.  She didn’t care if strangers read the book, in fact lots of people had already, but it was just too weird to have anyone she knew read the book and know it was her who wrote it.  Amelia knew the plan was not fool proof, that someone may find out one day, but she was going to try and hide it for as long as she could.

                  That was Amelia’s intention, but now that the book was receiving so much attention her publisher had wanted her to do publicity for the book.  She was caught between a rock and a hard place, she could do the publicity and possibly have her identity found out, or she risked losing her publishing deal, and she was already almost done with the second book.  Her publisher even said that someone was interested in making it into a movie or television show.  She could go onto the shows under her nom de plume, Harper Jones, and hope that no one recognized her.  She wasn’t left with many real options, so that was the brilliant idea that she went with.  Everything went ok for a while, until one fateful day she was doing an interview show with questions from the audience.  She suddenly felt that all too familiar feeling of her skin tingling, her heart started racing, and the awful realization hit her like a ton of bricks, Daniel was in the audience.  There wasn’t much she could do, with all the lights in the studio she couldn’t even scan the audience to see if she was right, though she didn’t have to she knew what she felt.  Then she heard it, his voice asking the question she had heard a million times before, “Is the professor character based on an actual person, and if so, does he know?”  Amelia froze, like a deer in headlights, and stumbled out the same line as she has always said, “the book is a work of fiction, while I did use a specific person’s likeness, the book is not about anyone in particular.”  She could hear the contempt in his voice when he asked the question, fuck he was mad.  Amelia did not need this, she was in front of an audience, on a show that was being televised, and she KNEW that her face betrayed her.  She couldn’t see his face, so she had no idea what his reaction was to her answer.  The host picked up on her uneasiness and asked Amelia if she was ok, and Amelia replied with her rehearsed response of, “I’m fine, just getting used to all the interest in the book.”  Amelia got Lucy’s attention and signaled to her that Daniel was in the audience, and she asked Lucy to bring him to her dressing room discreetly, she was in a news studio she did not want their reunion to be on the 10:00pm news.  The interview only lasted about five more minutes, and as she thanked the host for her time, she caught sight of Lucy who nodded at her, which let Amelia know Daniel was in her dressing room, waiting for her. 

                  Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck what was she going to say to him?  How mad was he going to be?  She had all of a minute to figure it out.  Lucy was in the dressing room too when she arrived, and Amelia took a glance at Daniel and his normally very soulful brown eyes were dark, and without any sign of humor.  Lucy asked her if she should stay, and Amelia smiled and said no, that she could wait outside.  Lucy walked outside and closed the dressing room door behind her.  Amelia stood near the door, just in case she decided to make a run for it, Daniel was standing on the opposite side of the room.  His icy stare bore into her, she was at a loss for words, all she managed to spit out was, “It’s been a while, Daniel.”  He didn’t say anything, he just stared at her letting the silence deafen her.  Amelia wrung her hands out of nervousness, she stared at him, willing him to say something, anything to her.  As she went to speak, Daniel held his hand up signaling to her to be quiet, and she complied.  “I’m trying to figure out what exactly I should say to you at this moment Amelia, or should I say Harper?”  “I under..” Daniel shot her a death glare that shut her up quickly, and she reflexively looked down at the floor to avoid it.  “Look at me, you owe me that much Amelia.”  She kept her head angled toward the floor, but hesitantly raised her eyes up to his, “What were you thinking?  How could you not tell me?”  “I was hoping you would never find out.”  “Well, I did! and you want to know how, James, your English professor AND my friend saw that you were appearing on the show today to discuss the book you had written, and he was so proud of you that he bought it.  When he read it, he knew exactly who you were talking about.  Could you have not changed anything about me?”  She stammered out, “J…James read the book?”  “Yes, he did, as have I.”  Amelia could feel bile coming up into her mouth, her worst nightmare had come true.  She ran to the bathroom and wretched in the toilet.  She could feel herself about to have a panic attack.  She rinsed her mouth out and walked back into the dressing room.  “Daniel, I understand that I have a lot of explaining to do to you, and I’m sure that you have many more questions you would like answered, I just cannot have this discussion here.  You know my name, but everyone else knows me as Harper Jones, and I would really prefer to keep it that way.”  He nodded in agreement, and for the first time since she had stepped into the room his eyes softened towards her, and he asked her if she was ok.  “Yes and no, but I should really be asking you that question.”  “Yes and no, Amelia, yes AND no.”  Amelia closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh, “I’m staying at the Hyatt down the street, they have a full bar, I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink, can we meet there in about thirty minutes?”  Daniel agreed to Amelia’s proposal and made his way out the door.

                  Lucy came into the room after Daniel had left, and she could tell by Amelia’s expression that the meeting had not gone well.  Amelia informed her that she would be meeting Daniel at the hotel bar to talk.  “Is that such a good idea?”  “Daniel is angry, but he’s not violent or stupid, he’s not going to make a scene, it will be fine.”  There was a knock on the door, and it was the host checking in to make sure everything was fine.  Amelia said yes and thanked her for her time.  “Are you sure, that gentleman seemed to unnerve you, do you know him?”  Amelia’s mind began to race, this was exactly what she did not want to happen.  “Yes, everything is fine, his voice was very similar to my father’s so it just threw me off,” the host smiled and while Amelia could tell she didn’t buy what she was telling her, she accepted it, and left the room.  Amelia grabbed her stuff and she and Lucy got into the town car, and it drove them down the street to their hotel. 

                  Daniel made his way to the hotel bar; he was so angry he thought steam might be coming out of his ears.  How could she have been so stupid to use his exact likeness, his personal experiences, she literally left no room for any other interpretation.  What was he going to say to her, what was she going to say to him?  Now that was the $100,000 question, he could not wait to hear what excuse she came up with.  She was damn lucky that only James and him knew about the book, and that she was the writer.  James would not say anything they had been friends for years, and Daniel hadn’t done anything wrong.  His relationship with Amelia was completely above board, not a single instance of impropriety had ever occurred between them.  James also mentioned that he had already known that Amelia was interested in Daniel, he could tell by the way she had spoken about him.  Daniel thought how Amelia was a lot of things, but subtle was not one of them.  That thought made him smile for the first time since he found out about the book a week ago.  “She would be good for you Daniel,” James words when he had given him the book were currently ringing in his ears.  Daniel was grateful to have someone to talk to about his predicament.  He was so afraid of anyone finding out that he had had feelings for a student that he kept that secret very close to the vest, but hell the cat was out of the bag now with James, so he might as well.  “Why do you think she would be good for me?”  “I read the book, and I know the both of you.  While you might find her conclusions…skeptical, there is no denying that she gets you.  I think you should read the book yourself Daniel, I think you will find it very enlightening.  I must ask; did you have feelings for her?”  Daniel paused and finally divulged his big secret, “Yes I did, but she was my student James, there are rules about that.”  “Yes, there are, and if she were eighteen, or still taking your class then those rules would apply.  Amelia is in her forties, and she was when you met her, and she isn’t your student anymore Daniel, there is no longer any sort of power dynamic between the two of you.”  “But she was my student, and I don’t know how to separate the two.”  “Daniel, I say this with all the love in the world, get over yourself.  No one is going to care she was a student; two people can’t help where they met.  You’re using it as an excuse.”  Daniel wore a shocked expression on his face as James continued, “It’s your life Daniel, I’m only suggesting that you truly think about it…and her.  She’s a good writer Daniel, and I think you will find she has an excellent imagination.”  James gave him a wry smile and said, “Just think about it, I have known you a very long time, and honestly Daniel, what do you have to lose?”  As Daniel reflected on his words, he knew how right James was, as he was far too often.  So much time had passed, he was using the fact that she was a former student as a pretext.  He was still incredibly angry with her about the situation, but perhaps he was more embarrassed than angry.  By the time he made it to the hotel bar, his anger had subsided, somewhat.  They do have quite a bit to discuss, and anger was not going to improve the situation. 

                  Amelia and Lucy sat quietly in the back of the town car.  Amelia could feel Lucy looking at her, but neither knew what to say to the other.  Lucy squeezed Amelia’s hand, her way of letting Amelia know that it was going to be OK.  Amelia wished she believed that, but she always jumped to the worst case scenario, she’d rather be pleasantly surprised than caught off guard.  Her mind raced with every inevitability, but in truth she knew that things were going to play out how they played out.  She was also worried about being in such close proximity to Daniel.  Not seeing him every day had somehow made her feelings for him even more intense whenever their paths did cross.  Even standing in her dressing room she could still feel that same electricity, that same vibration pulsing through her entire body.  She had missed his voice so much these past five years, hearing it sound so angry made the moment bittersweet.  Especially since his ire was directed at her.  He had already read her book and so had James.  She was mortified by what they both must think of her.  She needed to get that thought out of her mind, because it would serve no purpose, clearly there were larger fish to fry now.  As the town car pulled up to the hotel, Lucy and Amelia got out, and Amelia handed her the garment bag she was carrying and told her she would see her upstairs in a little while.  “I’m going to text you in twenty minutes just to make sure that you are OK.”  Amelia smiled at Lucy and said, “of course you are…This is probably going to be a long conversation, but I will let you know I’m alright.”  Amelia wanted to roll her eyes, but she knew Lucy’s heart was in the right place. 

                  Amelia entered the bar and saw Daniel seated at a booth, she told the hostess she saw her party, and she took a deep breath and walked toward the table.  She made eye contact with Daniel, and he held her gaze the entire time she walked across the room.  He stood up as she reached the table and waited to sit back down until she had taken her seat.  That gesture brought a smile to her worried face, and Daniel smiled in return.  They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither knowing exactly how to start.  She kept her distance, she was at least two feet away from him, but that delicious pull she always felt towards him was stronger than ever at the moment.  She took a deep breath, “Daniel, I’m sorry for not telling you about the book, but honestly, I had no idea how to even broach the subject with you.  I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but in truth I think I was afraid of telling you, afraid of what you would think of me.  I didn’t want you to think any less of me than you already do.”  Just as Daniel was about to respond the waiter stopped by to take their drink order.  “I’ll have a Jamison and ginger ale, what would you like Amelia?”  “I’ll have Hennessy and coke.”  As the waiter walked away Daniel smiled and said, “That’s not what I pictured you drinking, you seem like a martini girl to me.”  “I am, well technically a Grey Goose Lemon Drop actually, but I didn’t feel like ordering something so prissy at the moment……Daniel I can’t imagine what you must think of me right now.”  Daniel smiled warmly at her, he could see the nervousness and fear in her eyes, and it made him feel terrible.  He was about to rest his hand on hers to settle her nerves, but she quickly pulled them away and placed her hands in her lap under the table.  The action surprised him, and he looked up at her questionably.  “Sorry, it’s a reflex.  As you have read the book you should understand why.”  Her cheeks began to turn the delicious shade of pink they turned whenever she was embarrassed, and Daniel found himself having to shift his body in response.  “Yes, well, we can talk about that a little later.”  “I’d really rather we didn’t, this is difficult enough for me and…” “well unfortunately Amelia, we ARE going to have to discuss those things, but I have questions first.”  Amelia looked down at her hands and nodded in agreement.  “Please look at me Amelia,” she raised her gaze to meet his, and she could feel a lump starting to form in her throat, for fucks sake let’s not add tears to the mix, but she couldn’t help it, she could feel them welling up in her eyes.  “Please don’t cry Amelia, it makes me feel like a monster.”  “You’re not a monster Daniel, I’m the monster, I’m so sorry for blindsiding you, I should have told you, I just didn’t know how to.”  The waiter came back with the drinks before they could continue the conversation, he noticed her tears and gave her a sweet smile, and then with his eyes he asked her if she was ok, Amelia nodded, and he left.  They each drank in silence, and then Amelia’s phone buzzed with a text message from Lucy.  “My sister is checking up on me to make sure you haven’t murdered me…yet.”  She chuckled nervously, and Amelia texted her sister back to let her know she was ok.  “So that was your sister who came and got me out of the audience?”  Amelia nodded.  “Amelia, I’m not going to pretend that I’m not mad, with that being said, I understand why you didn’t say anything.  In all honesty, I don’t know what I would have done if you had told me.  I don’t have a right to tell you not to publish your book.  It was quite good.”  He looked down at his drink and Amelia watched his cheeks flush.  Amelia bit her bottom lip slightly and smiled sweetly at him, “thank you.”  “I have to know, was it really just your imagination, or did you know?”  Amelia looked at him quizzically, “Did you know I was attracted to you?”  Amelia’s mouth fell agape, and she croaked out, “what are you saying Daniel?”  “You are a very smart woman, Amelia; you know exactly what I’m saying to you.”  Amelia smiled at him and whispered, “you felt it too?”  “Yes, but I thought I was successful in keeping that to myself.  I think that is what I found so upsetting, that you figured it out, or maybe that you had figured me out.”  “I didn’t figure anything out Daniel, I always assumed it was a figment of my imagination.  Nothing more, nothing less.”  He nodded his head, and they both sat in silence sipping on their drinks, not sure where to go from there.